Blog 6b : I am losing it. Sort of. Not really. Extremely
Coronavirus. Coronavirus. Coronavirus.
That's literally all I see and hear. On the news, on the phone, through texts, on facebook, email, everywhere. What even are you EXACTLY. Like what the heck. Can you please go away. Literally ruining so many lives. What a way to start our year.
I don’t know precisely how I feel. Does that make sense? One day I am ok, the next I am losing my absolute mind, then I’m happy, then I’m upset. I am completely out of my “usual routine.” My anxiety is through the ceiling, I will admit that. 
We are losing jobs, people, income, social life, hope, and so much more. . . A lot of those things listed really hurt. If I think about it, I honestly don’t even know if I have hope right now. Wait. . . I actually do. A little. I think I have hope in humanity right now, because I have seen how people are concerned for one another, but at the same time they aren’t. I guess I am 50/50. I am nor here, nor there, nor anywhere. Get it? I feel that true colors are being shown, for sure.
What am I doing? This is honestly a tough question. Most of the time I am just doing homework. I sit in front of a screen for hours! Trying to catch up. . . Scratch that. Trying to keep up! Everything is now virtual, and my one class online, has now turned into 5. Essays, quizzes, lessons, emails, it should be easy right? Being home, just sitting here, but honestly it isn’t. If I thought I had writers block before, being within the same four walls has given everything a new meaning. Let me give you an example, on Sunday, April 13th, I spent over 11 hours working on a reflection. 
Today I found out I got 200 points out of 200. First time ever! I guess it was worth it. I lost it once or twice, and my body felt weird, but I must admit getting full credit was rewarding.
Today I found out I got 200 points out of 200. First time ever! I guess it was worth it. I lost it once or twice, and my body felt weird, but I must admit getting full credit was rewarding.
To navigate this situation, I am not doing much. I mean, there really isn’t much I CAN do. We are getting so many restrictions that there is literally a limit to what anyone can do. I try to stay positive. I really do. Maybe I’m just being very honest right now. I try to find new activities to do, but I can’t seem to think of many. When I actually have an idea, and go to the store to try to find what I need. . . They are completely out. Great. Now I have to spend hours thinking about new- new things. Ugh, mind block, I’m telling you. I feel sad not only for myself, but for all people. My little brother is 7 years old, he likes to play, he likes to be out, the whole not having to go to the dentist or doctor might be the thrill of his life right now. My point being, if I am being affected, extremely, sort of, will he continue to be as mellow as he has been, or will he start freaking out soon?
I’ve said my part. How are you doing?
Stay safe everyone.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie,
First of all, thank you for being so honest with your experiences during this pandemic, it is very refreshing to see! I know that things are very uncertain right now, and there’s a lot of disappointment. I am disappointed because I was supposed to study abroad in scotland next semester, but it was cancelled due to the pandemic. I completely understand you when you say you are fine one day and not fine the next day. Some days I am content and happy to rest, and other days I am absolutely going to lose my mind. To keep myself busy, I try to run everyday. That is the one structured activity I have. I have also been trying new baking recipes (when i can find flour and sugar in the grocery store.) My favorite treats so far are some lemon bars I made last week for my mom’s birthday. I hope you’re staying healthy and safe!
Anna Panganiban
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to how you have been handling this whole situation. Especially when you talked about how you're just trying to keep up... I FELT that. I feel like every time I think I'm good and finished all that I need to do, another week starts and my work load keeps getting bigger and bigger, it's absurd. I think this period is such a big transition for everyone personally, but we don't think about how others are also impacted by this change. Hearing about your little brother made me sad as it really put into perspective that he is probably more focused on the fact he can't go have fun and it must be hard not fully grasping everything happening in the world right now. Thanks for sharing, stay safe!
Hi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteSeems like most people are on the same page and feeling the same way about this whole pandemic. I totally understand the anxiety you are going through because I experience anxiety too, especially now with everything going on. I know several people who are losing their jobs etc. and know of many people who are feeling psychological stress from this. Sure, there is concern for humanity but it’s the slightest bit of hope that we must hold onto if we want to end this pandemic go back to living our normal lives. I understand your school stress! When I tell people everything is online now usually they say, “Well it should be easier now, right?” I never liked studying at home before all of this anyway, so now having to do EVERYTHING here makes it an absolute sh*t show lol. Continue to stay strong and positive! We are almost there.